The Latte Night 4: Lat-e Lat-te

MakeFoodGreatAgain

Do you cook a latte?

Do you brew one up?

Do you craft it?

Cooking would imply I have a frying pan out and probably a cutting board. It implies improv, spontaneity, spur of the moment fixes. But lattes are fickle. They happen to not like spur of the moment decisions. I thought I would whip up a quick caramel sauce for my latte, but the sugar hardened in the shock of the dairy.

Brew would imply the simplicity of boiling water and leaving. There are pleasant aromas that drift threw the house, and hot cups that warm chilly hands. But oh no, lattes are no light task. They take work. They take care. They take the hard whisking for 5-minutes that will you get breathing harder than tree removal.

Craft. What a pleasant word, ruined only by COR 105: Logic and Rhetoric. What is craft? “Something you make?” Wrong. No it is an art. “So craft is art?” Wrong. No it is produces something. “So crafts produce something and arts don’t?” Wrong. No Brian, it is i before e except after c and when sounding like ‘aye’ in neighbor and weigh, and on weekends and holidays and all throughout may, AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE WRONG NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY! (I didn’t think grammar had anything to do with logic and rhetoric until I wrote this paragraph and realized the trivium #OnlyAtHillsdale)

So what do you do to a latte?

Maybe you mak-ke a lat-te?

Maybe you whisk-ke a lat-te?

Who knows? The point is behind us, because I think I am really close to doing-whatever-verb-it-is-that-predicates-the-production-not-production-art-craft-of a latte.

Today was a success. And I have witnesses.

My dad suggests less milk. Josiah is ignorant of ‘hipster drinks’ so his judgement was worthless. My mom liked it, but then again when did she not like my creations? This was only what was verbalized, but what probably what went through my critic’s heads was, “Wow Jadon you are the most amazing barista I have ever met in my entire life.”

I know, I know. I am a humble guy. You’re welcome world for my ability to make lattes great again. Just doing my duty. Sorry for the late post, but I had late lattes tonight.

Ingredients for Making Late Lattes:

  • 4/3 Tbl White Sugar
  • 1 Tbl Butter
  • 1/4 Cup Milk
  • 4/3 Tbl Brown Sugar (AAACKK! Impartial fractions, what will I do with myself!!)
  • 1/2 Tbl Butter
  • 2 Cups Milk minus 1/4 cup Milk that got squandered on making caramel sauce
  • 3/4 Cup filtered Water
  • 3 Tbl Darkly Roasted Coffee Beans

Necessary Tools for Late Latte Making:

  • Pot
  • Scraping tool for removing hardened sugar from the bottom of the pot you attempted caramel sauce in.
  • Frying Pan
  • Pot
  • French Press
  • 3 Coffee Bowls
  • Whisk
  • Gym Membership
  • Spoon

How to Make Your Late Latte:

Bring water to an almost boil. While you are doing this, it would be a perfect time to darken those coffee beans a shade more. Place them in a frying pan. When things smell like they are burning remove the beans from the heat and throw them in the coffee grinder. Grind to medium coarseness. Pour now almost boiling water over your coffee grounds in French press. Brew for ~10 minutes—or however long it takes to froth 7/4 cup of milk and fail at making caramel with 1/4 cup of milk. Place white sugar in pot. Add butter. Stir continuously and right before the sugar burns add milk. Shock the pot and harden all the sugar. You have just failed at caramel. Attempt to salvage the mixture through frantic whisking. Give up. Trash failed caramel. Grab new pot. Add milk, add brown sugar, add butter. Warm mixture. Whisk. Take a quick stop at the gym and get jacked. Go back to whisking. Keep whisking. Whisk harder. Stop by the hospital and get your carpal tunnel surgery. Go back and whisk that milk until there is froth to go around. Nice smooth froth with no big air bubbles. Pour coffee between cups and pour around until the you have become a communist with the wannabe espresso. Add the milk. The steamed milk pours out first. Use a spoon to divide the froth evenly in a spirit of Santa-never-actually-gives-coal-to-any-kids-because-everyone-is-a-winner-attitude. Garnish with some brown sugar. Divide among family. Pair you butter and brown sugar latte with holiday toffee. You have just won at life.

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Published by MakeFoodGreatAgain

A foodie through and through. He vowed to eat anything and everything once upon a time and has followed through since. His foodie lifestyle started with eating sandwiches. It then turned into making sandwiches. What began as hours of preparing said sandwiches during 8th grade, has become a passion pouring over from every part of his tastebuds. A good cook, but not a good recipe follower. Don't expect much more than super creative desperate measures of sustenance on this blog. Food should be graded on one scale—and one scale alone—Tortil-la-licious-ness.

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